I Died

Something funny I’ve noticed lately is that people seem to live life the same way they play video games. Usually, the people focused on winning in the game are also focused on winning in life. Which is something I should probably try out, cause all I’ve been doing is attempting to find easter eggs.

I don’t play a lot of video games, but the few times I did were usually with friends. They would put me on the headset so I could have existential convos with whoever happened to be in there.I was never really interested in the game itself, but more so the people playing it and what they were about.

To be in the world but not of the world is… interesting. When I look around at people who are so consumed by their lives, by “the game,” it seems like they rarely look up from whatever it is they’re doing. But then again, is what I’m doing any better?

I’ve always been someone who tries to look beyond what’s being presented. Even in school, I would find myself studying the teacher more than the actual material. It probably seems counterproductive, but that’s just the way I am. I want to understand the person underneath everything. I wanted to understand what was underneath myself.

Sometimes I really do feel like some kind of humorous creature that got sent down here for someone’s entertainment. Maybe it’s for my own.

So here I am, playing the game I was put into. I already tried finding the edge of the map, some kind of exit, some hidden way out. Of course, that only led me right back to the middle of the fucking place. There is no escape… trust me. The only escape is some bullshit called inner peace. But even there you can’t stay forever. Eventually, you’ll get bored and start searching for some kind of excitement. At least, that’s how it went for me.

I became so obsessed with finding what was at “the end” that somehow I ended up back at the beginning. I think I died and respawned. I feel like Charlie from Smiling Friends when he got shot back down to Earth. I also feel like him when he saw the evil worm shadow government and got thrown out onto the White House lawn.

I was reborn into the same game, just with the perspective that it would be pointless to live that same experience over again. So gradually, I am recollecting the marbles I have left and am going to try playing it in a way that I actually enjoy.I’m making this blog to write down any thoughts that I have along the way.

Stay tuned.